Kids: To Have or Not to Have?

I have to ask myself why God would allow me to enter into and feel such contentment and connection in a relationship with someone who wants children, given my own desires not to have them. Is this something He is trying to break me of? Is He using my boyfriend and his desire for a traditional family (husband, wife, + kids, not necessarily implying specific gender roles) to confront my desires and plans? God, what is Your will for me when it comes to children? How would You have me serve You? Because ultimately, that is my desire. To serve You as You would have me serve You. And Lord… this is a difficult thing for me to say and lay down before You, but if I am to follow you explicitly and unreservedly, then I must profess it in faith and commitment:  I want Your will for my life, not my own. I lay down my perception of the future, of myself, of my capabilities, potential, and opportunities before You. You are the author of my life. Write my script as You see fit, for You and You alone are sovereign, almighty, and all-knowing. Your way is better than any way I could ever dream to design. So Father, be it Your will that I have children, then so be it because YOU have ordained it and therefore it is intended and blessed by You. I want only to always be under Your covering, under Your favor and nurturing, Lord. Draw and keep me near to You. In Your name I pray and trust.

~ Amen.

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