Posts Tagged ‘ grief ’

Drowning

Maybe I’m not trying hard enough. Mom seems to think that I am not, that I am allowing myself to feel too much, to be distracted too easily, that I should be able to control these things. Is she right? Am I not trying hard enough? The thing is… I feel like I have tried to swim against the waves of emotion that crash in these days, only to be taken by the undercurrent. Am I not resisting “enough”? What would be considered “enough”? My therapist says to “be kind to myself,” “to take it easy,” that “I’ve gone through a significant experience and need time to process it” without undue self-pressure. But if I go that route, then is my mom right? Should I not allow myself to decompress if it adversely affects me emotionally, spiritually, academically, socially? Is it wrong to allow myself to experience this moment of weakness? I am so confused. I think I need to tune both of them out and listen to the one who always seems to have the answer – my Savior, my King. God, help me to silence the voices in my head that I may hear Your call. What am I supposed to think right now? I am so tired of failing…